I'm positive this will not come as a surprise to anyone....but I am not good at handling the feeling of powerlessness. I am so used to knowing exactly what needs to be done, and doing it. With very few roadblocks in my way.
Buggy's definitely putting me through my paces in learning what powerlessness feels like. He is very, very efficient at putting distance between us when he wants to. Because Uberschool is frickin' huge, it is quite simple for him to avoid my classroom with very little effort. And, as was evidenced yesterday, even when he does show up in my atmosphere (but only because his brother forgot his i.d. at home, and needed Buggy to drop it off).....he's a master at creating an emotional distance by throwing up some nuclear-blast-proof walls. ~~~~
Novia called me last night. She and Buggy had talked about his meet next week...and whether or not she was going. She told him she was going with me. He didn't like that idea...and wanted her to take her car. (That would be the one that isn't drive-able yet.) She said she wasn't sure she could make it to the away meet without getting lost. He said she could follow the bus. She told him she was going to ride with me.
Apparently he wasn't happy about that. (Maybe it's because he was already nervous b/c she had told him I gave her a ride to work earlier that afternoon....and he's trying to reduce the chance that she'll "spill" his secret.) But she's hard-headed and said she'd made up her mind.
Although I know it's because he's going through stuff and isn't good at trusting people enough to open up to them.....it still hurt to think that he was so intent on my not going to the meet. My knee-jerk reaction was to announce my boycot of all-things gymnastic, but I held back, because I knew it was just my emotions running high.
So I went to bed, prayed about it, cried a little bit about it, and slept on it. When I woke up this morning, I felt at peace with the decision. So I sent her a text message on the way to school, telling her that I was going to give him space (b/c clearly he doesn't want me around right now) and was going to opt out of the meet next week. I told her I have some househunting stuff I need to take care of....so it's probably for the best.
Even before I sent the text message....I knew, with about 90% certainty, that she probably wasn't going to have her phone this morning. That Buggy would. And that he would read the message long before she saw it later in the afternoon. And yes, I sent it anyway.
Sometimes, one has to find creative ways to scale walls.
And I reinforced the message by being completely businesslike when I saw him in the APs office today.
You want space, buddy?
Remember the saying, "Be careful what you wish for....you just might get it." ?!?!
I haven't heard from her yet today....but when I do, I am almost positive that she is going to totally understand why I made the decision I did....and why I 'notified' her like I did. Because, although yes I am backing out on our plans to go to the meet, I know that she knows that subtlety doesn't always work to get the Bugg's attention. Sometimes you have to launch a earth-scorching missile --- deep into enemy territory...to get even a glimmer of a reaction.
And Ms. H willingly missing a gymnastics meet? As well as an opportunity to spend some 1-1 time with Novia, one of her kiddos?
WMD, baby.
And yes, it does smack of passive-aggressive-ness. But you know what? I'm peachykeen-a-okay with that, if that's what it takes to get him to WAKE THE HELL UP and COME TALK TO ME about this RE-JOINING-THE-MARINES B.S.
~hasta