I'm coming to realize that body image is a sick and twisted phenomenon.
All through junior high and high school, I weighed AT MOST 125 pounds. But I always felt fat. Why? Because I was comparing myself to all the other girls in my class...who were STICKS. I, being of German stock, was NOT designed to be a stick. A redwood perhaps, but not a stick.
Through the K-12 years, I was never super-duper gung ho about exercising...I just managed to get enough activity through riding bikes, playing softball & volleyball (in summer leagues), and being in marching band. Every now and then I would go running. (But it usually involved finding someone to chase me...because in my book that's really the only rational reason for anyone to run.) All of this inadvertent activity left me in a pretty good physical condition...which I can now realize when I look back at high school pictures.
Too bad I didn't realize that at the time, eh?
Enter freshman year in Raiderland...and a decent attempt at battling the freshman 15. I did pretty good up until Spring Break, when I got a supernasty case of mono. (And no, it wasn't from kissing boys...dammit.) I just thought I had a cold...so I didn't go to the "quack shack" -- I waited til I got home to go see my family doctor.
Imagine my surprise when he started talking about not letting me return to school.
Apparently I had such a bad case of mono that it had made my liver and spleen swell to dangerous proportions. I was put on strict bedrest (most assuredly not the spring break I was envisioning) and a carbs-only diet, because my body could not process protein.
At the end of spring break, I was allowed to return to school....but I was on a strict curtailment of activities. :(
Over the next 10 years, I proceeded to gain about 100 pounds. I made a few attempts at losing the weight...and was pretty successful. But it would always come back.
In 2001, I actually summoned up the courage to ask my doctor about a weightloss pill.
She was vehemently opposed to the idea of a weight loss drug...but she started asking me questions about the weight gain and my medical history, etc.
She then did a thyroid test.
Turns out the little bugger was the next thing to useless. She told me that the high fever from the mono had cooked my thryoid.
Hence the weight gain.
She put me on thyroid medicine, and we were starting to get it under control...and then I moved from Lubbock.
Once I moved to DFW, I found an endocrinologist who believes in adjusting the thyroid medication levels to the patient...not necessarily the numbers on the test. He has done worlds of good in getting me lined out...and is the reason I was even remotely motivated to start working out with TrainerDude in January. It is simply amazing how much better you feel when your metabolism is working like it's supposed to.
Over the past 15 years, my family (immediate and extended) has gotten used to seeing me overweight. Not "gotten used to" in terms of they have resigned themselves to I would always the be the fat girl in the family pictures....but they expect me, more often than not, to be carrying around some extra 'fluffiness'.
The past few days have been wonderful for my motivation with the whole working out/weightloss kick. My parents were very surprised and impressed with the "new me" when I walked in the door Tuesday night. I hadn't seen them since March, during which time I've lost and additional 15 pounds...to bring me to a total losss of 29.5. My dad was so proud of me, he made good on his "You lose 30 pounds, I'll give you a big chunk of money for some new clothes" promise. WOOP!
Thursday, Mom & I went to see my aunt & uncle. They, too, were very impressed....and made all kinds of complimentary comments. (Love the warm fuzzies!!)
Today, I saw 3 of my cousins (that aunt & uncle's sons & daughter-in-law)....and you woulda thought I'd been on Extreme Makeover. It ROCKED. They are all pretty fit people...they're all very active and sometimes even RUN FOR FUN (WHAT?!)... so hearing them ask me "how'd you do it?" was humbling. CousinLarry, who is Mr. Healthkick, even said "You're my inspiration."
Holy cow, Batman.
All of the warm fuzzies today make me want to go visit my brother in Houston. I haven't seen him since Christmas...at which point I told him he couldn't propose to his girlfriend until I had time to lose weight.
Because I was not going to be the Fat Sister in the Wedding -- immortalized in wedding pictures for all the generations to come.
I guess it's time to go to H-town and meet the girlfriend...and tell MyBrother that he's got the go-ahead for ring-shopping. (And yes, I am the big sister....which I'm sure you could figure out based on my giving him "permission" to get engaged. It is ALWAYS the big sister who is in charge. Let's not forget that.)