If you read my post from Friday, you know I was feeling pretty down. It's kinda weird that, although I did talk to some real-live humans about my feelings, I didn't feel like I had worked through them until I wrote about it here. I'm glad I did.
Although I've spent the past few days...
~worrying about FightingSquirrel and his impending incarceration...
~concerned that TardyGirl is working through the images she has in her head...
~spazzing out about the possibility of taking on even more responsibility next year...
~avoiding the reality of the sheer number of essays I need to grade...
~feeling horrified by the shortcomings' of some of my students' writing skills...
~craving ANY activity except grading essays...
~and soulsearching for the right way to approach Buggy after Friday's news...
I've also come to realize that...
~God is good...
~He is faithful...
~He's not going to give me more than I can handle....
~and, as long as I call on Him...
~and keep my eyes and ears open...
~He'll send encouragement in a myriad of ways.
Wednesday afternoon, I spent about 30 minutes talking with one of the counselors from our parenting program. He had been around the past few days, watching my interactions with Buggy & Crazybrother (who is in the parenting program because he has a child). After I released my two 'prisoners' from the essay-writing-dungeon, CounselorGuy and I started discussing them and their infinite potential (and equally infinite stubbornness). Partway into that conversation, CounselorGuy told me, "I'm inspired by you. You are not afraid to get in there and make yourself available to them. That's what they need. We need more teachers like you here...if we're going to effect any change."
Wow. How humbling is that.
(In retrospect, I can see that God was apparently getting me ready for the big ka-BLAM that was coming Friday...I'm glad I didn't know!)
Saturday morning, when I should have been spending quality time with the essays...I went to the gym instead. (This, in and of itself, is a milestone for me. Usually, I avoid stress by reading a big, fat, totally devoid of literary value, book.) Mr. Ipod and I spent some quality time working up some endorphins...ahhhh!
Sunday, I went to church...where God was not only waiting, He had informed the pastor precisely what I needed to hear that day. It appears that the sermon AND the music was a direct result of the pastor reading my mail!!
He talked about the idea of "earned" honor (as opposed to "positional" honor) -- how it is developed over time, as well as it's importance of in relationships. (It empowers leadership, enables correction, and engenders trust.)
It dawned on me that my success as a teacher has been determined by the presence or absence of earned honor in my relationship with my students. Because, although I would like to believe that I have a Buggy-esque rapport with all of my students, the truth is -- I don't. There are a few who I have not been able to reach. Something has clashed in our personalities and a relationship that has gotten anywhere past "Because I'm the teacher and I said so" has not developed. At all.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I'm a failure. I'm just saying that I need to acknowledge that dynamic and try a different approach with those students. As a result, the relationship may improve...or it may not. Who knows. At least I will have tried.
Which brings me to the other zinger of the service. Like I've said in an earlier post, this church is a little more "spirit-filled" than I'm used to. And I have been somewhat wary of the entire idea of someone "having a prophetic word". It just seemed a little..weird.
Sunday, the pastor called a churchmember to the microphone who had a "word" to share. I was in my own head...and wasn't paying too much attention. Until she said, "Some people are dealing with some things that have left them feeling tired and defeated....God wants you to know that you should run toward the battleline".
Talk about encouragement and affirmation. Friday evening I had written that I wished I could walk away from these kiddos...that it just hurt too much. God sent me the big neon arrow from above that "This is where I need you. Get after it. I'm here for you."
And, to that end...he sent 2 new blog-buddies, Onyx and Kim. Their comments to Friday's post only served to give me that little tap that says..."See, I told ya. Here are some humans that get what you're going through...and are willing to show you that you're appreciated."
How awesome is that?